Why was I gay?
The world lies under the power of the evil one, and the ruler of this world has been a murderer from the beginning and the father of lies, Satan. He blinds the eyes of people so that they will not come to the Lord and know the truth. Yet it is the truth that sets people free.
My innocence and childhood were stolen from me in a moment of sexual abuse. From that moment, my masculinity was wounded. Guilt entered my heart, and that trauma became a deep scar in my memory. Instead of being a child who played and enjoyed life like other children, I became a confused and broken-hearted child.
Instead of being a teenager, discovering and embracing his masculinity, I lived in confusion, searching for the child who had been destroyed within me and searching for the years that had been taken from me, years I did not experience like other people. From there, I adopted the false belief that I was homosexual. I believe that what contributed to this was the loss of my father and the absence of a strong male role model in my life, which only deepened the confusion.
A child needs a nurturing and healthy environment in which to grow, play, do sports, draw, and discover his gifts and talents. But I became a victim of society’s ignorance, of a family that did not stand by me, of a school and teachers who did not help heal my brokenness but added to it, and of classmates who bullied me. Even the streets showed me no mercy.
So I ran away.
I ran from all that pain, the emotional emptiness, the absence of family support, and the abuse that killed the child I once was. And so began a long struggle filled with many questions:
Why am I like this?
Why was I sexually abused?
I spent years trapped in a cycle. Years living in an illusion. Until I discovered the truth:
The answer was to replace a false belief with the truth. I realised that apart from my Creator, I could do nothing. Then, on 9 March 2014, the eternal Jesus, glory be to Him, set me free by His power. He broke the chains of homosexuality, corrected my thinking, and renewed my mind. I discovered that I am a man, accepted in His sight, and that my identity is this: a son. Yes, a son of the King of kings and Lord of lords.
I no longer see myself through the eyes of the world, nor even through my own eyes. I see myself as God sees me. My identity is found in Him alone. I can summarise my life in two words:
Brokenness to Victory.
And today I say to everyone who reads these words:
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Do not adopt the thinking of the world. Do not believe that the trauma and pain you experienced define the truth about who you are. Reject the lie. Embrace the truth.
You are not slaves, you are sons.
Tino Bou Ezz